Spilling The Tea In Mindful Therapy

This Week In Mindful Therapy

This past week as a Mindful Therapist the focus was on love.

The conversations with clients centred around “ how to navigate the complexities of love”, “ how to create and maintain deep connection, authenticity, and “freshness” in long-term, long-distant and virtual relationships, and the meaning of the concept of  “twin flames”, also came up in session.

With Valentine’s day falling in the middle of the week, my clients had love on their minds! 

We worked together to figure out how to navigate Valentine’s day, in a way that is true to their needs, focusing on what is going to make it fun and reducing the harmful stressful elements whether they were single, in a relationship, or in a situationship. 

“A situationship is an uncommitted, undefined romantic relationship between two people—meaning that those in this type of relationship have not established what they are to each other”

Building Towards A Mindful Celebration Of Love

In guiding my clients towards a Minful celebration of love:

    • I encouraged them to see Valentine’s day as an opportunity to pause and reflect on the people they love and what matters most to them
    • I invited them to pause and reflect on the type of Love they would like to give and receive
    • I challenged them to reflect on what they are told this day should be and decide how they want to respond in a way that is true to their needs. We got curious and discussed how to celebrate Mindful love, without the social media-induced stress

Taking a moment to pause and reflect allows us to make more deliberate choices about how we want to show up in our relationships, how we want to experience love, allowing us to be more authentic and honest by stepping away from pre-programmed ways of interacting with our partners.

With single clients, we focused on Self Love and Self Care:

We navigated the pressure to be loved on valentines day, the pressure to have a date, to be in a relationship, to find someone, to be extra romantic by reframing Valentine’s Day as:

    •  An opportunity to celebrate Self Love
    • A day to indulge in Self Care practices and doing what brings you the most joy
    • Focusing on healthy outlets like meditation, yoga, journaling, or going to the spa and being with like-minded friends to cope with any poor feelings.

With clients in relationships

For these clients, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to:

    • Spend quality time with the people who mean the most to us 
    • Focus on who you are and who your partner is and doing what is most fulfilling for both of you
    • An opportunity to pause and reflect on the gratitude we have for our partners and investigate how we can sustain the gratitude and appreciation that we feel on Valentine’s day all year around 

With clients in situation-ships

    • We have been investigating Attachment Theory which focuses on how early infant relationships with parents create the blueprint for how we connect with romantic partners later on in life
    • Attachment theory can help us explain why some people run from love even when they want to stay (The Avoidant Attached Person) while others stay in unhealthy relationships (The Anxious Attached Person), even when they know the other person isn’t the right partner for them
    • Understanding your triggers and being able to have compassionate communication with your partner about your feelings of vulnerability is important for my clients struggling with anxiety and avoidant attachment styles

A deeper Mindful connection

The practice of mindfulness and staying in the present moment is incredibly beneficial for those struggling with emotional triggers. Focusing on the “here and now”, noticing your breath, and practicing grounding your self with your body like listing everything you can see, touch, hear, smell, or taste to stay connected will help you to enjoy quality time with your partner.

Every day is an opportunity to reflect on the essence of love and reconnect with what really matters in our lives, who really matters, and prioritising these relationships. 

Love comes in many forms – partners, family, friends, love for the planet – consider celebrating any or all of them authentically and mindfully not only for a moment, a day but all year. (JHQ)

Contact Atha Jiva if there is a problem, a blockage that is keeping you from your highest relationship potential. Developing compassionate communication skills will help you work through the issues that are keeping you from having a shared uplifting relationship that you both deserve.

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Janet Haughton Quarshie